Tuesday, 26 April 2016

Isolation and Loneliness

When my health first started to deteriorate there were many things that I worried about, for example I wondered how I would be able to continue my education. There's one thing though that never really crossed my mind though, perhaps due to how little it is talked about or just because I didn't know anyone in my position. I never realised how isolated I would become in the years to come after I had my first major spinal surgery and I never even considered how lonely I might become. It's the hidden side of chronic illness and disability, whilst I was still at school people envied my days off but what they didn't realise is that I was becoming more and more isolated whilst being in severe pain. This is something that I've wanted to talk about for a while and now seems to be the right time as all these feelings have surfaced again.



I've never been a very social person and I've also always been okay with that, I enjoy my own company and I thought that this would help me when my health got worse. This worked for only so long though, there is only so much isolation that one person can take and I think I reached that point last year. I'm lucky to have some amazing friends around me and an incredibly supportive boyfriend who cheer me up tons but all of them are far away and it's the isolation and loneliness I feel inbetween seeing them that affects me a lot.

I'm only leaving the house a few times a week at the moment, when someone is around to take me out and push my wheelchair and unsurprisingly this is having a big effect on my mental health. The world outside my front door seems so far away and out of my reach at the moment whilst I'm relying on other people just to get out of the house and at times these aren't easy emotions to deal with. I don't want this to be a sympathy post at all, it is just something that I've wanted to talk about for a while and something that I feel people need to know about. Having to stay at home all day might seem like fun to other people but after a few days you've exhausted most of your options in the way of TV, films and the internet and you are only left with your thoughts. You've probably noticed that I haven't been blogging much recently or even on social media as often as I used to, sadly every now and then even blogging seems boring to me because it's all I ever do when I'm at home. It's the only thing I have left (other than Netflix etc.) to do and whilst I love doing it this does mean that often I feel distanced from it because it's consumed my life for the past couple of years.

I'm not really sure how to combat these feelings or find my love for blogging again and I'm not even sure what the point of this post is, I just wanted to get things off my chest really. Don't worry, I won't be walking away from blogging anytime soon, I guess I just have to wait for these feelings to pass and then things will be back to normal!
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4 comments

  1. I know it probably won't help darling but I completely understand how you feel and I'm always here anytime, I'm only at the end of a phone, it's so hard being stuck in, this week my only trip out is a doctors appointment, I look out of the window watching the world go by and I think the nice weather last week made me personally feel worse, people saying on social media about what they're doing and seeing people go past having fun and I'm sat in the house in agony, I completely understand and if I can help I will, sending you massive huge and love xxxxxxxx

    Zoe ♥ MammafulZo

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    1. Thank you lovely, that means a lot to me <3 I definitely agree, the weather being nice recently definitely hasn't helped as everyone is out enjoying it whilst we are stuck indoors! People tell me to go sit in my garden but A) garden chairs are uncomfortable and B) It really isn't the same! Lots of hugs and love for you to xxxxx

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  2. I know this feeling so well. Since coming home from uni all my friends have moved away and my uni friends live miles away. I don't leave the house or go anywhere to make new friends. The only people I really see are my family. All my friends are online and it does get lonely. Always here for you lovely
    Beth x
    Mermaid in Disguise

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    1. It's not easy is it and it's a side of having long term health/chronic problems that isn't talked about enough. Very thankful for the online community though. Thanks lovely, here for you too x

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