I wrote that paragraph in the above picture last night after having a bad day with my anxiety, that's one of the ways I describe what anxiety feels like and it seemed to connect with others as well. However I still find it difficult to describe it in a way that others will understand because even though I've always been a very anxious person and a big worrier I'd say it wasn't until about 2 years ago when my physical health got worse that my mental health followed suit. Finding myself suddenly dealing with multiple health problems was a struggle and still is and the implications of that meant I was at home nearly all day everyday with not much to think about, that's when my anxiety got worse.
I worried, and still do worry, about everything and anything. I knew deep down that they were mostly all insignificant things but this didn't stop my brain from doing overtime, going round and round in circles until I'd covered all worse case scenarios. I didn't even realise I was having panic attacks until a doctor confirmed that this feeling of everything going at a million miles an hour combined with fast breathing and palpitations was in fact a panic attack, it was just different to the stereotypical one that the media portrays. For ages I wouldn't do things like use a hair-dryer or have a shower if I was in the house on my own because it heightened everything, I'd spend all my time wondering what every noise was, checking round the door to see if someone had broken into the house. I'd love to say that things have gotten better but not quite yet, I'm hoping that 2016 will be the year that I take back some control.
Unfortunately for me I've found my GP to be extremely unhelpful, barely even taking my anxiety seriously. I've been referred to pain management though where I'll also have a chance to see the psychology team, I'm nervous about that potentially happening but I know I can't let this rule my life. One of the worse things for me is how my anxiety affects those that I love in my life, I know people find it frustrating and I try and find new ways all the time to explain it so it is more understandable but I know that it is difficult to understand something that you cannot see.
I have good days and I have bad days like everyone else, I'm hoping that each day is a step closer to more good days though.