Monday, 4 January 2016

Life with Anxiety.

This is a blog post I've wanted to write for a little while but I've found it so difficult to do. Over the past year anxiety has been talked about a lot and there hasn't always been positive feedback, for some reason a few people seem to think that a lot of bloggers say they have anxiety because it's 'trendy', which is complete rubbish. It's put me off talking about my anxiety on here despite the fact that we are always encouraging others to talk about mental health, to raise awareness. I've found that writing has helped me so much with both my physical and mental health problems so writing this blog post is difficult but also helpful. Hopefully it will help someone else out there suffering with anxiety, just a reminder that you aren't alone.

I wrote that paragraph in the above picture last night after having a bad day with my anxiety, that's one of the ways I describe what anxiety feels like and it seemed to connect with others as well. However I still find it difficult to describe it in a way that others will understand because even though I've always been a very anxious person and a big worrier I'd say it wasn't until about 2 years ago when my physical health got worse that my mental health followed suit. Finding myself suddenly dealing with multiple health problems was a struggle and still is and the implications of that meant I was at home nearly all day everyday with not much to think about, that's when my anxiety got worse.

I worried, and still do worry, about everything and anything. I knew deep down that they were mostly all insignificant things but this didn't stop my brain from doing overtime, going round and round in circles until I'd covered all worse case scenarios. I didn't even realise I was having panic attacks until a doctor confirmed that this feeling of everything going at a million miles an hour combined with fast breathing and palpitations was in fact a panic attack, it was just different to the stereotypical one that the media portrays. For ages I wouldn't do things like use a hair-dryer or have a shower if I was in the house on my own because it heightened everything, I'd spend all my time wondering what every noise was, checking round the door to see if someone had broken into the house. I'd love to say that things have gotten better but not quite yet, I'm hoping that 2016 will be the year that I take back some control.

Unfortunately for me I've found my GP to be extremely unhelpful, barely even taking my anxiety seriously. I've been referred to pain management though where I'll also have a chance to see the psychology team, I'm nervous about that potentially happening but I know I can't let this rule my life. One of the worse things for me is how my anxiety affects those that I love in my life, I know people find it frustrating and I try and find new ways all the time to explain it so it is more understandable but I know that it is difficult to understand something that you cannot see.

I have good days and I have bad days like everyone else, I'm hoping that each day is a step closer to more good days though.
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10 comments

  1. I'm sorry to read you suffer badly with anxiety. It's very brave of you to share your experience. It is a real shame that people can have such a flippant view of such a serious problem. I hope you manage to find yourself a helpful GP. Have you tried tapping (EFT) at all?

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    1. Thank you, it really is a shame and hopefully we can move towards people taking all kinds of mental health a lot more seriously. I haven't but I'll definitely look into it!

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  2. wishing you all the best with your referral. you are making steps in the right direction which is very brave, so i'm sure you will see a change this year. I really hope you do. I found that help was very limited when I visited the GP and that can make you feel even more helpless :(

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    1. Thank you! It certainly doesn't help when you don't have a particularly supportive GP does it x

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  3. I'm so sorry to read that you've been suffering with anxiety. I have since the age of 15 but it wasn't until mid-2015 that I was at my worst due to a number of factors including a relationship I was in at the time. I think it is so brave for you to talk about it. I've been doing a segment on my book blog (https://thebookiemonsters.wordpress.com) called The A - Z of Anxiety which is just my way of writing about it. I hope that your referral goes well - I found the psychotherapy team where I live really helpful and CBT has changed my outlook a lot with my anxiety. Good luck xx

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    1. I'll definitely take a look at your series! Thank you :) xx

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  4. I have always had anxiety as a symptom/comorbidity of my ADHD. It's awful and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It has gotten worse now that I am pregnant and my hormones are wacky. :(

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    1. Sorry to hear you are struggling right now, hope you are able to enjoy your pregnancy xx

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